Heretical Marketing Posters Part II POSTED ON September 5th, 2007 BY cygnus

Firstly, thank you for all the kind words. Did we expect people to want the images on actual posters, t-shirts, mouse pads, rub on tattoos, coffee mugs, and personally signed edible underwear? It crossed our minds. Then it crossed our minds that diet Dr. Pepper really does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper. With that revelation we took a short break from actual work to goof off and give you something else to chuckle at.

What is blogging?

Mainstream marketing bloggers have about as many original thoughts as a beauty queen from South Carolina, but write as though they invented the wheel, microwave, and pet rock over the course of a weekend.

What is spam?

Is that site ranking above you really spam? If it is relevant to the end user, then it’s simply a site ranking above you. Either learn and adapt or pick a different vocation. Every well placed magazine ad, television commercial, radio spot, and sky-written message would otherwise also have to be classified as spam, and they aren’t even as targeted!

What are forums?

When every other thread has some dude named Parkeet typing in all bold letters about how a search engine banned him despite placing a dictionary’s worth of words into his meta keywords, how much do you really expect to get out of the experience? Take off another point when the same guy then claims to have intimate knowledge surrounding the solution to your thematic collision issue.

What is a guru?

Come, sit at my feet to worship, and bring money. Seriously, if you really believe that the secrets to success are even secrets at all, then you don’t understand how adaptive and personalized success can be. Find a mentor, find some peers, but stay the hell away from gurus trying to sell a newsletter with access to “secret tools that the search engines don’t want you to know about.”

What is SEO?

This three letter word somehow became dirtier than most four letter words, and lacks the positive connotation of being related to bodily functions. All this despite being essential for just about any site wanting some sort of search related presence. Thankfully, 3 out of 5 rocket scientists prefer FrontPage.

Cygnus

Entry Filed under: Humor